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Dialogue Helps Control And Direct Legal,
Financial & Medical Matters
By Linda Anderson, Esq.
Guest Contributor
A few months ago, a friend’s family was going through some horrific issues dealing with the health of one of the elderly parents. Despite the attempts of family members, the parent didn’t think his health problems were that much of an issue and refused to talk about them.
Eventually, the parent passed, but that did not alleviate the problems for the family, it only intensified them in some ways. The parent didn’t leave a Will, designate someone with Power of Attorney or even leave instructions with family members about his wishes.
Understandably, the family was lost about what to do.
Things only got worse as family members started arguing over what they believed the parent would have wished.
After a week or two, some family members were not speaking, while the arguments continued among other family members. Eventually, this will all end up in court which is a tremendous waste of time, energy and money. Essentially, one man’s stubbornness is tearing his family apart.
About the only positive to come from this situation came from another person’s family.
Seeing the mayhem the situation had created in the other family, a friend had decided he was going to be proactive and meet with his parents to discuss these potential situations. He figured, let’s get it all out on the table so there are no debates later.
The family met for two hours one Sunday afternoon to discuss what their parents’ wishes were as far as long-term health issues, Do Not Resuscitate, assisted living, insurance plans, Powers of Attorney, Wills and even funeral plans. If there was something else that came up, a specific family member was charged with making the decisions. Everyone listened and notes were kept to ensure accuracy. If anyone had questions, this was the time to ask them, and they led to honest, open and sincere discussions.
Everyone felt relieved when the afternoon’s discussions were completed.
Usually, parents don’t want to talk about these topics because they are afraid of losing control, and they are also fearful of their children trying to take over. My message to you is - the only way to really keep control of your financial or medical issues is by your beginning the process of having legal documents prepared, writing down exactly what you want if you become incapacitated, and by deciding who is to be your surrogate or “back-up” in making decisions. When legal documents are done correctly, these documents aren’t just templates, they are reflections of a lot of your personal choices as well as the family dynamics. Your documents and decisions should be crafted to make things work as you would have them work when and if you and your family may be in a real crisis.
Another nice thing about having these discussions ahead of time is that there is a better chance everyone is in a better mood with much less stress involved. Everyone knows exactly what decisions have been made, and hopefully, it limits debate and arguments during the actual time of trial.
*
Linda M. Anderson, J.D., LL.M., CELA, practices in the specialized areas of Elder Law, Special Needs Planning, General Estate Planning Estate, and Trust Administration and Veterans Benefits. Linda is also accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs to assist in the preparation of claims for Aid & Attendance. Further information about Linda and her law firm can be found at www.AndersonElderLaw.com, or by calling 610-566-4700.
Financial & Medical Matters
By Linda Anderson, Esq.
Guest Contributor
A few months ago, a friend’s family was going through some horrific issues dealing with the health of one of the elderly parents. Despite the attempts of family members, the parent didn’t think his health problems were that much of an issue and refused to talk about them.
Eventually, the parent passed, but that did not alleviate the problems for the family, it only intensified them in some ways. The parent didn’t leave a Will, designate someone with Power of Attorney or even leave instructions with family members about his wishes.
Understandably, the family was lost about what to do.
Things only got worse as family members started arguing over what they believed the parent would have wished.
After a week or two, some family members were not speaking, while the arguments continued among other family members. Eventually, this will all end up in court which is a tremendous waste of time, energy and money. Essentially, one man’s stubbornness is tearing his family apart.
About the only positive to come from this situation came from another person’s family.
Seeing the mayhem the situation had created in the other family, a friend had decided he was going to be proactive and meet with his parents to discuss these potential situations. He figured, let’s get it all out on the table so there are no debates later.
The family met for two hours one Sunday afternoon to discuss what their parents’ wishes were as far as long-term health issues, Do Not Resuscitate, assisted living, insurance plans, Powers of Attorney, Wills and even funeral plans. If there was something else that came up, a specific family member was charged with making the decisions. Everyone listened and notes were kept to ensure accuracy. If anyone had questions, this was the time to ask them, and they led to honest, open and sincere discussions.
Everyone felt relieved when the afternoon’s discussions were completed.
Usually, parents don’t want to talk about these topics because they are afraid of losing control, and they are also fearful of their children trying to take over. My message to you is - the only way to really keep control of your financial or medical issues is by your beginning the process of having legal documents prepared, writing down exactly what you want if you become incapacitated, and by deciding who is to be your surrogate or “back-up” in making decisions. When legal documents are done correctly, these documents aren’t just templates, they are reflections of a lot of your personal choices as well as the family dynamics. Your documents and decisions should be crafted to make things work as you would have them work when and if you and your family may be in a real crisis.
Another nice thing about having these discussions ahead of time is that there is a better chance everyone is in a better mood with much less stress involved. Everyone knows exactly what decisions have been made, and hopefully, it limits debate and arguments during the actual time of trial.
*
Linda M. Anderson, J.D., LL.M., CELA, practices in the specialized areas of Elder Law, Special Needs Planning, General Estate Planning Estate, and Trust Administration and Veterans Benefits. Linda is also accredited by the Department of Veterans Affairs to assist in the preparation of claims for Aid & Attendance. Further information about Linda and her law firm can be found at www.AndersonElderLaw.com, or by calling 610-566-4700.