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Expert: Forgiveness, Gratitude Are Essential For Healthy Aging
By Grace Wiltbank
Contributing Writer
Expensive medicine isn’t always the ticket to longevity.
You can live a longer, healthier and happier life by practicing forgiveness and gratitude, and though it may take some mental effort, it won’t cost you a dime.
According to behavorial health specialist Marion Mullahy, a 2002 study on adult development found that “study participants who aged most successfully are those that worry less about cholesterol and waistlines and more about gratitude and forgiveness.”
Ms. Mullahy recently explained in detail the process and benefits of forgiving and being grateful to an audience at Surrey Senior Services Center in Havertown, PA. Ms. Mullahy is with the Older Adults Counseling Services of NHS Human Services of Delaware County, based in Sharon Hill, PA.
Ms. Mullahy began by asking members of the audience why they thought forgiveness might be beneficial.
“It gives you peace of mind,” one man stated. “Yes, it does,” Ms. Mullahy agreed. “Forgiveness also allows you to keep the high ground and helps you become an agent of goodness. If you don’t forgive, you can become toxic to yourself and others.”
“In aging,” she said, “it is essential to develop good mental health.” And this, she emphasized, includes the power to forgive and to be grateful.
Instead of holding on to the memory of an injury you have suffered and playing that memory over and over again, Ms. Mullahy said that forgiveness is the process of bringing an end to the resentment, indignation and anger that you are carrying around in your head as the result of a perceived offense, a difference of opinion, or a mistake.
Your new forgiving attitude towards someone who has injured you, she said, is that “you don’t owe me anything anymore.”
She warned that “physical health may be adversely affected if you don’t or won’t forgive.” Holding a grudge, she said, may affect your cardiovascular and nervous systems and lead to elevated blood pressure and heart rates, increase muscle tension and the feeling of being less in control. She added: “People who feel controlled by others are more depressed and unhappy.”
Of primary importance in the process of forgiveness, Ms. Mullahy said, is the renunciation of any thoughts of revenge against the injurer. Also essential, she said, is to try to understand the pressures the injurer was under at the time of the offense and to recognize that “hurt people hurt other people.”
The process of forgiveness, she added, also includes accepting the pain which the injurer has caused and choosing not to pass it on to others, including the injurer. “You have to accept,” she said, “that there is such a thing as unjust suffering and that bad things happen to good people.”
She said forgiveness requires a “quest for the good, merciful restraint and moral love.”
Turning to the practice of gratitude, Ms. Mullahy, said that gratitude has been found to have one of the strongest links with mental health of any character trait.
Studies show, she said, that grateful people are happier and less stressed and experience more personal growth, purpose in life and self-acceptance than people who are not grateful.
Ms. Mullahy said that one way to become a more grateful person is to write down five things you are grateful for before going to bed each night for at least two weeks.
In urging her listeners to practice forgiveness and gratitude, Ms. Mullahy said: “We’re all dealt a different hand — play it well.”
She also said: “Aging is daunting but there’s beauty in it. Twenty-five percent of older people continue to learn and thrive and find a sense of purpose in life.”
By Grace Wiltbank
Contributing Writer
Expensive medicine isn’t always the ticket to longevity.
You can live a longer, healthier and happier life by practicing forgiveness and gratitude, and though it may take some mental effort, it won’t cost you a dime.
According to behavorial health specialist Marion Mullahy, a 2002 study on adult development found that “study participants who aged most successfully are those that worry less about cholesterol and waistlines and more about gratitude and forgiveness.”
Ms. Mullahy recently explained in detail the process and benefits of forgiving and being grateful to an audience at Surrey Senior Services Center in Havertown, PA. Ms. Mullahy is with the Older Adults Counseling Services of NHS Human Services of Delaware County, based in Sharon Hill, PA.
Ms. Mullahy began by asking members of the audience why they thought forgiveness might be beneficial.
“It gives you peace of mind,” one man stated. “Yes, it does,” Ms. Mullahy agreed. “Forgiveness also allows you to keep the high ground and helps you become an agent of goodness. If you don’t forgive, you can become toxic to yourself and others.”
“In aging,” she said, “it is essential to develop good mental health.” And this, she emphasized, includes the power to forgive and to be grateful.
Instead of holding on to the memory of an injury you have suffered and playing that memory over and over again, Ms. Mullahy said that forgiveness is the process of bringing an end to the resentment, indignation and anger that you are carrying around in your head as the result of a perceived offense, a difference of opinion, or a mistake.
Your new forgiving attitude towards someone who has injured you, she said, is that “you don’t owe me anything anymore.”
She warned that “physical health may be adversely affected if you don’t or won’t forgive.” Holding a grudge, she said, may affect your cardiovascular and nervous systems and lead to elevated blood pressure and heart rates, increase muscle tension and the feeling of being less in control. She added: “People who feel controlled by others are more depressed and unhappy.”
Of primary importance in the process of forgiveness, Ms. Mullahy said, is the renunciation of any thoughts of revenge against the injurer. Also essential, she said, is to try to understand the pressures the injurer was under at the time of the offense and to recognize that “hurt people hurt other people.”
The process of forgiveness, she added, also includes accepting the pain which the injurer has caused and choosing not to pass it on to others, including the injurer. “You have to accept,” she said, “that there is such a thing as unjust suffering and that bad things happen to good people.”
She said forgiveness requires a “quest for the good, merciful restraint and moral love.”
Turning to the practice of gratitude, Ms. Mullahy, said that gratitude has been found to have one of the strongest links with mental health of any character trait.
Studies show, she said, that grateful people are happier and less stressed and experience more personal growth, purpose in life and self-acceptance than people who are not grateful.
Ms. Mullahy said that one way to become a more grateful person is to write down five things you are grateful for before going to bed each night for at least two weeks.
In urging her listeners to practice forgiveness and gratitude, Ms. Mullahy said: “We’re all dealt a different hand — play it well.”
She also said: “Aging is daunting but there’s beauty in it. Twenty-five percent of older people continue to learn and thrive and find a sense of purpose in life.”